can i please have a break...

[terri]

i don't know what i have done to derserve all my heartache at present...i'm a honest,caring person..who worships the ground my doggies walk on..my doggies are my life..and my doggies egt the best of everyhting..they are never left..and are totally spoilt and loved..

Grace was supposed to have her final check up yesturday..and my vets phoned to say..can they cancel that as my vet was in an emergency operation..so thoguht we go today..only to be told its his day off...
so we go on wedensday..for graces final check up..in herself she is fine..but around her spay scar..its all lumpy and bumpy..but i know its going to take a while for it all to settle..so i can get my head around that one...

then a few weeks ago i think i posted on here somewhere..( thankfully none of my boys have ever been used in my breeding...they are just much loved pets)...i took jasper to my vets..hoping my vet would prove me wrong..but unfortunatley jasper was diganoised with cataracts in both eyes...but thankfully are due to his age and nothing else more sinister..he is over 10 years old now..and already living with a dog who is going blind..i thought i would cope..
i am coping and have to cope..but its ehartbreaking to see them..but i just broke down crying last week..as i have a upvc full length glass door from my kitchen to my conservatoy...and becuase my new puppy Harmony was about..i had shut the door..while i came to get jasper..and he ran into the glass door..well as you can imagine i burst into tears..bless his heart..as they age..it really hits home to you..unfortunatley surgery is not an option for jasper..and i just feel bad..its very hard to stop thinking like a human..as we rely on our eyes so much..a dog is more their noses and their sight is way down..its just the thought of it..and seeing them run into things...i'm a softie whjen it comes to my dogs we all are..

on top of this..i'm taking Barnaby to the vets this thursday...for his yearly booster vaccination..but also ( yes have you guessed it)..his eyes..he has started to squint, among other things...and also his eyes do not look right now..he is 7 years and 3 months old...so again i'm really hoping i'm just being ultra paranoid and really hope my vet will prove me wrong..but i have a heart sinking feeling there is something going on with his eyes now too..my boys are nothing to do with me and my breeding at all..they were brought as puppies as family members..i have never used them with any of my girls...Barnaby i have such a connection with this dog..i love them all dearly and you should'nt have favourites...but barnaby is a link to my baby boy jarvis who i lost at a year and two months old..if this dog could talk..he would finish my sentences..we are so in tune with each other..its scarry..
i just feel i need a break from all my worry and heartache..
i know i will cope and have to cope..but i feel angry and upset..and hope who ever is looking down on me will give me a break....
i suppose with owning 10 cockers at some point their is always going to be one of them ill or needing a vet..i feel i'm just going to move into the vets for a while..

also on thursday Harmony my new puppy is coming along to the vets..as i'm have her PRA & FN tested..so a bit more worry for me while i get the results back..but with mum fully tested..its hould'nt be anything other than clear or carrier..

so i just feel like sh&t at present..
and am worried sick with barnaby..:062:

will update later in the week..once we have been to the vets...
just needing a cyber hug at present..:062:
thanks for lsitening..
terri
x

[Victoria]

:075:Aw Terri. Thinking of you and all your gorgeous doggies.

[terri]

thank you Victoria...
xxx

[Meerkat]

:075::054::078: Cyber hugs and positive thoughts, that you are just being paranoid of Barnaby (that actually sounds bad, me saying you are being paranoid, but hopefully you take it the way it is meant)

[Theresa]

Awww Terri you are truly going through the mill just now hun :075::075::075::075:

[MightyMouth]

Awwww Terri.....that is a lot of worry for one person! Sometimes when it is all knotted together like that it is difficult to see things as individual worries. You are right though, with ten dogs you are bound to be at the vets semi permanently!!

Grace will be fine, her scary spell is over now and she will do fine at her check up. I don't know much about doggy anatomy but humans scars take a while to settle and stop looking angry so I am sure hers will be the same and will settle eventually.

I know how you feel with Jasper because Holly was the same. I remember her jumping on to what she thought was the settee only it was the wall and she hit it with a clunk and then just slid down. Heartbreaking. As I said before though, you have to stop yourself from rushing to them and cuddling them (hard I know) and just take the necessary steps to try and prevent stuff like that happening.......which is also hard because you cannot pre-empt every situation. At least Jasper is happy to trot around and isn't fearful of moving

I am so sorry to hear about Barnaby. I am really hoping that it isn't anything too bad and that you don't have yet another thing to be sad about. Try not to worry until you have reason ........if you understand me. It may not be what you fear at all but something treatable or maybe even nothing to worry about. I know that even if the worst should happen, that you will do what you have always done, continue to love and care for these beautiful babies.

Let us know what the vet says as soon as you can.
You know you have support here and that if we can do anything, we will.
MM xx:075:

[terri]

:075::054::078: Cyber hugs and positive thoughts, that you are just being paranoid of Barnaby (that actually sounds bad, me saying you are being paranoid, but hopefully you take it the way it is meant)

i know exactley what you mean..and i have'nt taken it the wrong way..
thnak you...xxx
i just know my dogs so well..and i think i'm kidding myself..that i want the vet to prove me wrong..i just have this feeling and by what i can see with his eyes i know there is something wrong..but i do agree and hope my vet will prove me wrong..

[terri]

Thank you MM..xxx
reading your post..i can only just see to type..
you put things in such a nice way..

if i'm honest..and this is going to sound awful...
i noticed something with barnaby in the summer..the bright lights he just sqints..but you convince yourself there is nothing wrong..and his eyes apart from the squinting did'nt look any different..
in the last week..the squinting is worse..and i could'nt take jasper and barnaby to my vets together..as they don't get on..so i knew i had to make two seperate trips to my vet..
and as i knew barnaby needed his booster vaccination aswell i always leave it until the end of the month..silly really...
as i said recentley the eyes look quite bulgy ( so could be glucoma..pressure in the eyes...which if it is ..i will feel even worse than i already do)..
they ahve a bluey haze...which jaspers have..the dupils are permantley dilated..like india's...they do not react to light or darkness..
and the classic giveaway..like indias..is the whole eye glows in dim light and on photos'....which they can..but next to my other dogs with good eyes in the same light conditions..the other dogs are normal..and his glows...
which is not right...
i'll see if i can find some photos to show you what i mean...
thnaks everyoen for your cyber support...it means alot..
i try and muddle through..soemtimes..and i do try and keep all the worry to myself...but am finding this hard at present..hence why i have psoted on ehre..i know none of you can do anyhting..apart from just being here for me...
but yes when i find out i will let you all know....
thanks again
much love terri
x

[terri]

as i said here are a few photos..
this one was a few years ago..and his eyes were fine..
http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll287/terrig8/100_6500.jpg
just to show him with the other dogs..again his eyes were ok..along with everyone elses..
http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll287/terrig8/100_6740.jpg
this is to show you...my dog who has cental pra..who eyes were normal..
http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll287/terrig8/100_5335.jpg
and how they are now...
http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll287/terrig8/xmas25122009017.jpg
and here is a recent one of Barnaby..and ever photo..wheather in dim or bright conditions..his eyes glow back..and can not see the pupil or colour..which is how i noticed india..
http://i291.photobucket.com/albums/ll287/terrig8/barnaby7thbday191209001.jpg

[MightyMouth]

I am so sorry Terri :062: You know your babies best and if you think there is something wrong then maybe you are right. However, whatever it is and whatever happens, these wee souls are probably in the best place they could possibly be with the best person to love and care for them. You have been and always will be, the one constant in their lives and they are so lucky in that respect.

Don't beat yourself up about noticing something in spring. If it happens to be a progressive disease, there is nothing you could have done 6 months earlier that will make any difference to the outcome. Should the worst happen, Barnaby will adapt and luckily (if I may use that word), you already have the key skills in place to help him.

As I said before, we will help in any way we can, you only have to shout. Even if it is just cyber support :075:

[terri]

thank you MM..
i know i'm doing right in taking him to my vets..but a huge aprt of me is dreading what he wil tell me..
i know i will cope and have to cope..
but it does;'nt stop you worrying..
i when india was diganosied brought a book..living with blind dogs..which was really helpful..and put things into perspective..
but i still try and see things from a human point of view..and just hate the thought of them not being able to see..
with indias condition it is a very very slow process..and most of the time with central pra they loose the central part of their eyes..but keep the pheriphal vision...so aslong as you approach india from the side and talk to her she is fine..if you go upto her from the front..forget it..as she can't see you..but i wear bells on me when i go out with india..and now she responds to a whistle..which i have had to train her to come too..and am working on that one with jasper..as he is not adpating aswell as india has..and gets confused ...constantley seeking reasurrance..and i have to think and say things like up for a curb..so they are aware of curbs from pavements ect...
i also have mats where there water bowls are ect...and just the last week i have resorted to hand feeding jasper..as i put his bowl down..and he won't go to it..but if i sit next to him and hold his bowl..he sniffs for it..and then preferes me to hand feed him..so it can be hard..to adapt life..and i always have to think in advance..for meal times with two of the dogs i have going blind...have to think in advance..when out walking with them..even in my home...if anyhting changes ect..where i had had my puppy pen..both india and jasper walk around it like its still there..even though its been taken down..
so now the prospect of another one...its soul destorying/heart breaking..

yes all i ask is in the enxt few days after i have been to my vets with barnaby on thursday..please can you just be here for me..and i'm hoping and praying you will not have to pick up my pieces..you know what i mean..
but i think i'm already thinking he has something wrong..so i cna't be disapointed..and if wrong..then that will be a massive bonus...
love terri...xxx

[MightyMouth]

I have nothing but admiration for you Terri. You know, sometimes when I spoke to Fluffy and she would talk about how low she felt about losing Sir Jasper and I would say to her 'but look at where you were and look at where you are now.' Same thing applies to you. Look at where you were (with regards to doggie blindness) before India and look where you are now! Whistles, bells and all the advance thinking which you are doing is coming as second nature to you now. I know it is heartbreaking, I understand completely the sorrow and if I was in the same situation I would feel exactly the same as you but............you are loving, you are patient and you are extremely capable. All the things these babies will need, you have in abundance!

I remember the pm conversation we had before India and Mrs..............I am really proud of you. You have met every challenge head on and not once have you caved in. Be scared of what may happen by all means but don't downplay what you have already achieved with these babies. :078::078:

[lisalh]

i am so sorry there is nothing I can do or say to help with Barnabys eyes but like Jasper he has the best possible Hooman mum to look after him and no matter what heartache it causes you he will be feeling none of it as he will be secure in his love and trust in you to look after him xxx

The only one I can offer advice on is the spay scar- Kooki burst her stitches and had to have staples and for about a month after her spay the whole area looked a mess with random lumps and bumps (which the vet said was normal and I TOTALLY didnt agree) now 2 months from her spay the lumps and bumps have settled and even after the trauma of opening the wound it is a very neat and tidy little line only noticeable because her hairy belly hasnt grown back yet.


I really wish I lived closer and could give you a great big hug cause the love you have for your dogs shines through every post and no matter what happens to them we all know that they will be well cared for and their every need catered for.

Biggest hugs to you and your family and babies in what must be a really trying time for you all xxxxx

[Fluffy]

:062::062: i,m so sorry you are going through all this heartache terri,i really am,i have a lump just reading it all,
sending you lots of love,i really don,t know what to say,one thing i do know,is,your kids couldn,t ask for a better,loving,more committed mommy xxxxxx

[terri]

what are you both doing to me,...
reading your posts...i can only just ready through tears..thank you both MM and to Lisalh..for your kind words...
i know i have achieved so much..and i'm proud of myself for what i have been able to achieve and by what i have helped my dogs with..
but i'm only human..and i do get sad..although on the outside i'm good at showing..i can handle anything and everyhting..
thank you so mcuh for your support and kind words,....means alot..
will update on ehre on thursday..after i've come back form the vets..

much love always
terri
xx

[lisalh]

Aw Terri didnt mean to make you cry- now dry up woman listen to your Aunties Lisa and MM and think of all you have accomplished with your dogs so far and how lucky they are to have you and vice versa. I hope all goes better than expected on Thursday at the vets but even if it doesnt we are here for you and we know your dogs couldnt be in a better place xxx

[Tanya]

I can't add much to what has been said already, but big hugs to you and your doglets and hope all goes ok with your impending vet trips :075::075:

[Sandra]

On my doG Terri how did I miss this!! I am so sorry to hear about Barnaby, sending mega mega hugs your way.:075: As a novice doggy owner I don't have any constructive advice to add to what has already been said. As I told you before when Jasper's eye condition was diagnosed, if it had to happen to anyone, you are the person to cope ...... your dogs are everything to you, they are your world and you are theirs. I will be keeping everything crossed that Barnaby doesn't have a problem, but should the worse happen, remember his sight will have been going over a matter of time and will have been a gradual process so he will already have been adjusting. Your home is already set up to cope with dogs with eye sight issues so you are already one step ahead.

Life is never fair, it always seems to s**t (sorry mods, couldn't think of anything more appropriate under the circumstances:Z) on the people who least deserve it. As MM so brilliantly put it, remember how far you have already come, roll on Sunday when I will be able to give you a huge hug in person. Take care of yourself honey, remember your doggies need their mum to be the strong person we all know she is. Lots of love Sandra xx

[Kimberley]

Oh Terri, life is not a bundle of fun at the moment then, Its awful when everything comes altogether, a problem shared is a problem halved we are all thinking of you and your babies.

[terri]

well at long last Grace got the all clear..the wound its self from her spay scar is fine..its just all the skin around it..its all hard ,lumpy and bumpy..but until the stiches completley dissolve..the skin won't improve..so i'm pleased we have finally got over this hurdle...

now vets tonight with Harmony..that is the simple part and i need my vet to carry out the buccal mouth swab..for pra dn fn...( much nicer than the blood draw..but does take slightley longer for the test results to come back..)so thats the easy part..
then along with Hrmony..Barnaby will be coming along for his yearly booster vaccination...bless him..and to get his eyes checked..tonight..this part i'm not looking forward too..have'nt slept much last night..i feel sick to my tummy....
but at least i will know..and hoepfully then can deal with it all..i 'm hoping my vet will prove me wrong..but i just know there is something wrong..so i'm trying to stay positive...and fingers crossed..i get some good news...
will update on ehre later tonight..
thnaks for all your messages of support...
much love
terri
xxxx

[MightyMouth]

Sending you so much good luck today Terri. Really hope all goes well for Barnaby. Let us know xxxxxxxx

(Great news about Grace!)

[Tanya]

All the best for Barnaby today Terri :075: Glad to hear Grace has got the all clear, I wonder if this would help her scar area at all....

http://www.bio-oil.com/en/scars/index.html

I know friends who have raved about it for scars and skin issues.

[terri]

All the best for Barnaby today Terri :075: Glad to hear Grace has got the all clear, I wonder if this would help her scar area at all....

http://www.bio-oil.com/en/scars/index.html

I know friends who have raved about it for scars and skin issues.

aw bless you..thanks Tanya..
its not the scar..graces problems are under her skin..and vets said this perticular stiches used due to ehr age..and being young they use a stronger ,thicker stich..which will take 260 days to dissolve..so i know its going to take time..and until they completley dissolve graces hard lumps & bumps internally will not go...


thanks also to MM and Tanya for your well wishes for tonight with my beautiful boy barnbay..
xxxx