Hazardous material-Woman.

[happydog]

Found this and as my job involved Material Safety data sheets, it appealed.

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
DATA SHEET

ANALYSIS
Element: Woman
Symbol:

Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg
Occurrence: Found in large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions




Physical Properties
1. Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.
2. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.


Chemical Properties
1. Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning.
4. Greatly increased activity when saturated with alcohol.
5. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.


Common Use
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.


Tests
1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural state.
2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.


Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.

[lyn]

i love this one :D :D

[Michelle]

Here's the male version


C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS 1988
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Substance: Man
Symbol: M+ (Free radical most desirable)
Discoverer: Eve
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 65 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 55 Kg to 115 Kg
Occurrence: Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface normally covered in grease and fur oxidase except at apex of specimen
2. Surface liable to tarnish, stain and attract dirt.
3. Pungent or stale odour.
4. Usually inert, but correct stimulus can promote a reaction.
5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes under strain.
6. Bitter if used incorrectly, sours with age but can sometimes be sweetened up.
7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin grade to base material, but pure specimens hard to find nowadays.
8. Not one of the ‘noble elements’ (usually found in combination with Woman).

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Great affinity to alcohol (ethanol).
2. Capable of liberating quantities of expensive substances if treated correctly.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a female.
4. Softens and wilts when soaked in hot water, greater rigidity at cooler temperatures.
5. Insoluble in liquids, especially inert after saturation in alcohol (athough this state is preceded by an initial and noisy period of increased activity).
6. The most powerful money producing agent known to woman. High valency - capable of multiple bonds with Woman.

COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental - especially during Match of the Day or Formula One racing.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS
1. Pure specimens turn pale and shrivel when discovered in the natural state.
2. Behaves erratically when placed alongside a superior specimen.
3. Localised expansion and rigidity when excited.

HAZARDS
1. Dangerous in inexperienced hands - unpredictable when activated
2. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).
3. May induce swelling if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE
1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

:lol: :lol:

[happydog]

I've been looking for that one Michelle. Great :lol: :lol: :lol:

[lyn]

May induce swelling if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

hmm never saw this warning till it was to late :lol: :lol: