Jan/Billy
31st August 2007, 20:08
erm before i post these can I say I have nothing against the Irish :D and that i often laugh at manc jokes too :D
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An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."
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An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied. :D :D :D :D
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An elderly gentleman shuffles into a newspaper office and asks if he can place a piece in the obituaries section.
"No problem sir," says the girl behind the desk. "That'll be a pound per word."
Nodding slowly, the old man writes "Doris Is Dead" on a piece of paper.
"Is that all you want to put?" asks the girl. "I only have three pounds, my dear," says the pensioner,
starting to leave. The girl, feeling sorry for the old man, says she will go up and speak to the editor. Moments later, she returns from the office, grinning broadly.
"Good news," she says. "The editor says you can have another three pounds-worth of words."
Smiling gratefully, the old man takes another piece of paper and thinks for a moment. Shakily, he writes: "Doris Is Dead. Micra For Sale."
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An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."
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An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied. :D :D :D :D
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An elderly gentleman shuffles into a newspaper office and asks if he can place a piece in the obituaries section.
"No problem sir," says the girl behind the desk. "That'll be a pound per word."
Nodding slowly, the old man writes "Doris Is Dead" on a piece of paper.
"Is that all you want to put?" asks the girl. "I only have three pounds, my dear," says the pensioner,
starting to leave. The girl, feeling sorry for the old man, says she will go up and speak to the editor. Moments later, she returns from the office, grinning broadly.
"Good news," she says. "The editor says you can have another three pounds-worth of words."
Smiling gratefully, the old man takes another piece of paper and thinks for a moment. Shakily, he writes: "Doris Is Dead. Micra For Sale."