joke

[lyn]

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one Seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the Manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Fred," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred Replied,
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"...the balcony..."

[lyn]

and another :P
Little Johnny came downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

[Michelle]

Lol thats good, how bout this one-


A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says "what seems to be the problem officer?" the cop looks bluntly at him and says "are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?" the man let out a sigh "thank fuck for that i thought i had gone deaf

:lol: :lol:

[lyn]

:lol: :lol: i off to remember some more :)

[Michelle]

Heres another (I like this one)

This guy was waiting in the doctor's surgery after having some tests done. The doctor returned from the laboratory and said:

"There's some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have brain tumor that not even our best expert can operate on. The good news is that this surgery has just received a license to do a new brain transplant procedure that's never been tried before."

Luckily for the patient there had just been an road accident nearby, where unfortunately a young couple had been killed.

The doctor said, "You can have either the man's brain or the woman's brain. The man's brain is £1,000,000.00 and the woman's brain is £30,000.00."

The guy couldn't help asking why there was such a big difference in price between the male and female brain.

The doctor replied, "the female brain is used."

:D :D

[lyn]

i can't post my fave joke. i will pm it to you :lol:

[Alpha]

i am really crap at telling jokes but here one that made me laugh.

A lady goes in to her vets carrying a cat wrapped in a blanket, she lays the cat down for the vet to examine.
The vet uses his stethoscope and listens for a heart beat and feels for a pulse, he the turns to the lady and says
" I am very sorry but you cat has passed away"
The lady was quite concerned about this and asked for a second opinion, the vet after considering this decide to agree to her wishes and brought in a big ginger moggy. The moggy went up to the dead cat and sniffed him from head to toe and then sat down with his head on the vets arm and meowed.
The vet then said to the lady " iam sorry but your cat is definitaly dead"
the lady was getting more and more distraught by the minute and begged the vet for one last opinion.
The vet being a kindly soul decided to humour her and brought in a big black labrador.
The lab the promptly sniffed the cat and like the moggy laid his head on the vets arm and whined.
the vet then had to tell her that really there was no other diagnosis than the one he had given her and sent her on her way.
The vet then heard a commotion in th reception and he goes out to find the lady shouting and screaming,
when he asks her if he can help she says

"yes you can explain why my bill is £300 just to tell me my cat is dead"

and the vet said




"well you did have a cat scan and a lab report done"

[lyn]

http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Laughing/lol-045.gif